Living Alone at 19: Navigating Solo Living, Cultural Identity, and Personal Growth
A Personal Reflection: Before I decided to open up my heart and pen down my experiences for all to read, I hesitated. Initially, I believed that keeping these stories private would shield me. However, reminiscing about my teenage years, I recognized a younger me that could have benefited from reading an inspiring post like this.
Let’s do this.
The one thing that transformed me into the woman I once idolized during my childhood? Living independently at the tender age of 19. While my parents and I had made plans to pursue my academic dreams in a foreign country, I could never have anticipated the lessons and experiences that followed.
My Past Journey
Completing my high school education in Italy and Morocco, I embarked on a new chapter to study mathematics and physics in France — entirely on my own. A daunting move, but thanks to the life skills my mother instilled in me, such as household chores and cooking, I was prepared. Almost prepared. Or, prepared only for the honeymoon phrase of it. Indeed, The allure of learning these tasks was thrilling, though it eventually lost its charm.
At the outset of my solo living, everything seemed picture-perfect. I secured a studio apartment in France before my arrival. The transition had its challenges, but the anticipation of a fresh start overshadowed them. Initially, my circle was limited to a distant family acquaintance. The first few months were a blend of gratitude for the financial support my father provided and the thrill of near-independence.
Yet, as time progressed, the initial excitement started to fade. I confronted an unfamiliar foe: my own identity. Much of who I have mirrored my parents' ideals and school teachings — systems I had never challenged until then.
Realizing that a long-held belief system might not align with one's true self can be unsettling. It's like watching your entire world crumble, pushing you to craft a new one from scratch, often without familiar guidance. Such was my reality.
Challenging My Status Quo:
My Dream Job: The idea of being a mathematician lost its charm when I considered the financial implications. While the romance of a cluttered desk with equations appealed to me, the reality of European mathematicians' pay scale didn't. Furthermore, I questioned if my inclination towards math was genuine or an attempt to gain societal approval and make my parents proud.
My Heritage: My association with Moroccan culture was complex. Memories of school bullying, untoward advances from men, and familial issues had distanced me from my roots. When meeting new people, my Moroccan identity seemed to overshadow my individuality, pushing me to contemplate adopting a more neutral identity.
The Educational System: The academic structure had its shortcomings. It did not teach me practical skills like financial management, emotional intelligence, building relationships, or syncing productivity with my menstrual cycle. I mistakenly equated my worth to grades, causing me to lose touch with my true self.
Finding My Way:
Reinventing My Identity: I gave myself a new name "Amy," derived from my original Moroccan name, Oumayma.
Tuning into My Body: Understanding my menstrual cycle became my tool for productivity, ensuring I catered to my body's needs. Dive more here.
Music as My Anchor: The piano became my sanctuary. A self-taught journey through online resources not only connected me with my soul but also became a source of pride and joy that I dearly loved sharing with my friends and family.
A casual moment of teaching myself a new song to sing before going to the gym.
Optimized Study Techniques: Methods like SQ3R, The Feynman Technique, and others enhanced my learning. More in here.
Rediscovering Math: While exploring career possibilities in mathematics, I chanced upon Bitcoin's white paper. This opened the doors to the realm of financial mathematics, captivating me immediately. This newfound passion propelled me into the world of quantitative finance, culminating in my role as a quantitative analyst.
Life's Wishlist: This aspect was particularly dear to me as it prompted introspection on my genuine preferences, rather than what others desired for me. It marked the beginning of my journey into the world of travel.
Cultivating Critical Thinking: This skill empowered me to chart a unique path for myself. Venturing beyond conventional thinking was essential for me, as I aimed to tap into my authentic potential and craft a uniquely creative life for myself.
The Present Me
Today, I stand as Amy, a quantitative analyst with a budding interest in digital creation. Having explored 25 countries, most solo, my journey has brought me closer to a once-strained family bond.
Living away from my roots has given me a fresh perspective, enabling me to appreciate my homeland from a tourist's vantage point.
Retrospective Wisdom:
If given a chance, I'd tweak my past by:
Establishing Daily Routines: I integrated practices like journaling and meditation into my morning and evening to navigate emotions and find clarity. I also read both self-help and fiction for intellectual nourishment and incorporated skincare as a form of self-care.
Initiating a Fitness Regimen: Simplicity was key. Daily walks and thrice-weekly 20-minute weightlifting sessions made up the core. To infuse some fun, I occasionally swam or participated in team sports over the weekends.
Emphasizing Nutritional Intake: Our diet greatly influences our well-being. Recognizing this, I curated a list of nourishing meals, honed my culinary skills to prepare them, and shopped for groceries accordingly.
Prioritizing Seeking Support Early: Independence shouldn't mean isolation. Human connections, be it through family, friends, or therapists, are vital to fend off prolonged feelings of desolation or despair.
Acquiring Financial Literacy: Delved into the realms of prudent money management and investment strategies.
Fortifying Personal Boundaries: Countless instances of unwarranted disrespect and manipulation in my past urged me to redefine my personal boundaries. Severing ties with past relationships became a necessity, even if it meant solitude. For insights, I turned to books like Anne Katherine's "Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day." However, for a deep dive into human behavior, "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene became my go-to read.
